The cat won first place in a contest.
He won enough money for fish and cheese.
The cat and I sat through dessert.
That afternoon, I had heard Saladin jokingly tell the cat when they saw each other, “Hey! Where is ***? She’s the one I want to see!”
I had laughed, presented myself and hugged him. Saladin had hugged me and asked if I had almost finished writing the novel. I told him that what I’ve been writing is nonfiction; that even the novel is turning out to be nonfiction so I might as well stop fictionalizing and write it as nonfiction.
But, I had told him, I have four short stories lined up for submission next year. He nodded. The best one’s for you, of course, I had laughed; he laughed too and hugged me. Magpie took a picture of that hug.
Saladin had later said to me during dinner, “You know that Mary Ann Moll short story that won about two years ago? That was nonfiction.”
Then La Femme Nikkita asks, “What’s the difference between short fiction and CNF?”
Saladin points to me, “Ask her. She knows that.”
I explained to La Femme Nikkita what I understood and told her that as far as I’m concerned, I know the difference in my writing short fiction and my writing in creative nonfiction; that it had the same discipline but with me it’s the material that defines one from the other.
I thought:
Speculative Fiction is my playground…
Creative Nonfiction is my labyrinth...
Poetry is my love…
And all that I have written is my soul.
That afternoon La Femme Nikkita had told me--- I know how these things go for writers’ wives. You have to stay calm for him while your insides are gnawing you when he’s not looking. So…
I said to her, “For that, I will always love you. Thank you.”
But I had thought:
I am not his wife.
That night as we smoked with Tony Perez before dinner, he then pointed to the cat, “You’re a writer.”
And then he pointed at me, “And you’re a writer, too?”
The cat and I nodded.
He exclaimed to the two of us, “You’re doomed!”
The cat and I laughed.
I thought:
No, we’re dangerous.
Then he said to the cat, “You can write international. Write a novel.”
The cat smiled, shrugged.
I thought:
He will, in his own time.
The cat kept on stroking my hand as we listened to Sandman and Saladin talk of this and that. The Sandman said that all the stories he read were distinctly Filipino. Saladin nodded; I smiled. Later on the cat said he needed to pee.
The cat gave me a strained smiled, excused himself, and came back with a relieved smile. Immediately, Andy gets up too, excused himself. I met him on his way out of the toilet and he had a happier smile. I was so happy about his smile when they were taking his picture during the awarding. (Maybe he was smiling because he got to kiss Neil Gaiman’s neck-cheek-ear.)
I had seen a picture of him in the Inquirer magazine this or last month and had told him, “Smile when someone’s taking your picture. You’re cuter when you smile! ”
Later on, Andy had laughingly said to me, “I thought: well, if BC could get up to pee while Sandman’s there and talking, then I could too.” And he, I found out, needs to pee five minutes after he drinks something.
After the dinner, in the car, the cat had said, “I will hang this Dreamcatcher above your bed so that you will have good dreams.”
I had smiled.
Thinking:
No, no, this should be above your bed.
I said, “The cats would likely think ‘ooooh, toy!”
He laughed then said, “Well, this is a good way of staying humble.”
I asked, “What do you mean?”
He said, “I won money to buy you all the beer in the world but I don’t even have enough money right now to buy you more than a couple.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I had laughed, “And I left my money at home.”
We laughed.Then he said,” Next time, let’s go to your event.”
I smiled, “Of course we will. Soon.”
We were on our way to Big Sky for our Sunday happy drinks with Chinggoy and Oso. Oso had said while I was talking to him (through Arvin’s phone), “Libre ko siya, kayo, congratulations!”
Chinggoy had arrived first and I squealed, “Look at what the cat gave me for Christmas!” And I showed him the check which we had put for safekeeping in my journal. Then Chinggoy distracted us with his chatter while he got my journal and sat on it.
“Hoy!” I said, “Inuupuan mo yan journal ko!”
Chinngoy had laughed and returned my journal to me. Oso then arrived and said to the cat, “Congratulations! Ayos ah!” And to me, “Ang lakas uminom nun asawa ni Arvin! Pare, tangna, di ko nga maubos yun beer ko eh siya tumutungga ng vodka ng dere-deretso.”
I thought:
Well, living in
Oso continued, “Tapos di nagsasalita! Gusto ko siyang marinig magsalita para malaman ko kung ano nasa utak nun!”
I asked, “Di mo type?”
He shrugged, “Ayos lang. Dapat magsalita muna.”
The two had treated us to drinks and pica-pica, while the cat insisted that we still had money. I had laughed, “I have ten dollars in my wallet. Best friend, how much is that?”
Chinggoy answered, “Around 400 pesos.”
I laughed, “There! Do you think we can pay in dollars here?”
Oso was then grilling me if I had really eaten dinner while Chinggoy was still continuously congratulating the cat. He had been the one who had informed our friends that the cat won. One friend--- TC, usually terse--- had eloquently congratulated the cat and the cat happily laughed.
I quipped, “I was actually waiting for a ‘ONE BIG FIGHT!’ at the end of TC’s message.”
The cat, Chinggoy and Oso laughed--- ah, Ateneans.
Jay Bounce had even called the cat and the cat said, “So, now you have to get better ok? Because man, I miss my smoking buddy.”
Jay Bounce has kidney problems and will have to get a kidney transplant this week. I had sent a message to Jay after he talked to the cat, “Budoy, **** was teary when he was talking to you. Be well, big man. We love you.”
Then Chinggoy said, “Well, since you won, you are allowed to make out with my friend tonight.”
The cat gamely begins to mimic a stalking cat as his hand moved towards my hand when Oso said, “Hindi rin puede, pare. Sabi ng Nanay ko mabubuntis raw pag hinawakan ang kamay.”
It’s something the two would constantly do when the four of us are together: they teasingly forbid the cat and me from our displays of affection. The two had even threatened to camp on the foot of our bed in our honeymoon.
We just all laughed and then talked about this and teased each other about that--- especially about the two’s latest Nokia communicators which they had finally bought--- their toys.
We found out about the toys because we saw Chinggoy tinkering with his latest communicator and I laughed, “Best friend! You finally got it!”
And we found out about Oso’s because I was nagging him, “Ikaw! Bat di ka na naman nag-charge kasi ng telepono? Anong sabi ko? Asan yun phone mo? Akin na! Wag kang ganun! Pag may emergency, pano na? Pano kung may nangyari sa yo ha?”
Then he gives up a communicator to me and we all started laughing. Chinggoy said, “Sabi ko na nga ba!”
Oso said, “Tang ina, sabi na nga ba tumitingin ka sa bulsa ko eh!”
I thought:
That is so gay.
The cat said, “Eto talagang dalawang ito oh!”
I said, “Hayaan mo na. At least di sa drugs o sa pambababae napupunta.”
Oso said to the cat (in his defense to the cat’s berating him about spending too much money on phones), “Promise! Di na ko bibili after this. Nakuha ko na gusto ko eh.”
I said ‚“Ah ganun? Nakuha na raw gusto niya eh. Yan ba palakad mo sa babae?”
Oso said, “Oy, hindi ah!” Then he added, “Bibili na lang ako uli in three years: by then lalabas na bagong ganito.”
And they talked about what they really wanted to get next (guns, I think) and figuring out a gift for me.
Finally, I had said to Chinggoy, “I don’t want a gun! I want shoes! I need shoes eh” (because the Egg had flown away to
Chinggoy grimaced, “Patay.”
“And you,” I said to Oso, “I want--- I’ll think of something.”
Then I showed them the shoes I was wearing which Dad had given me as pasalubong. Oso said, “Cute sneakers.” Then I raised the hem of my pants and they saw the heels and laughed
I said, “Pretty, huh?”
Oso had always laughingly complained about not knowing what to give the cat and me, and even Chinggoy. He said, “Kaya niyo kasi naman kunin for yourselves eh.”
I had simply told him, “Books, pare. Basta libro. Pag hindi, katawan na lang. Puede rin puri.”
And then I was asked:
Did I think the cat would win?
When cat told me that Andy was a finalist, too, I had simply said to him, “Of course.”
He had asked, “How did you know?”
I didn’t reply.So:
Of course.
And that is why--- one of the many why’s--- I have chosen to love him for nine years and I continue to love him.
Later that night in Big Sky, the cat had laughed out loud in exasperation, “This is really another way of staying humble.”
We had asked, “What?”
He said, “Bumigay sapatos ko.”
He points to his black clubber leather shoes--- one of the soles was gaping open.
We laughed.
I thought:
Just like when Ba had teased me in Duma.
Ba said, “Galing galing mong magsulat, dumi naman ng paa mo!”
Then I had bickered back to him, “Gago! Ala na kasi ako pera pang pakuko. Kelangan ko ng mag-withdraw. And di marumi paa ko no!”
Ba had said, “Magkano ba yan? Bigyan muna kita.”
I said, “Talaga? Mga 600 siguro.”
He said, “Ano?! Mahirap kitain ang perang yan no! Tapos pang parlor mo lang!?”
We were just joking of course. Of course I had the money to pay for my own manicure, pedicure, food, drinks, whatever. I worked for it and earned it.
I laughed harder:
Parasitism and Predation is the same organic process after all.
The cat continued, “The other day, relo ko naman. Haaay! Puede na kong mapagkamalan dukha.”
Oso said,“Tang inang dukha yan yun relo Technomarine!”
These are just toys--- we heckle each other about these because we all know that these labeled toys don’t last. Some of them were given as gifts, most of them we worked really hard and saved for. But we all know they don’t matter.
Money doesn’t matter. If you really want money, it’s so easy to get that: you can steal, deal drugs, or sell your soul…But money never mattered: you spend it after all and then it’s gone.
It’s the “how” and the “why” of earning it and what other-than-the-money that matters.
The cat said, “My dad told me ‘Now what are you going to do with the money?’”
I asked, “What nga ba?”
He laughed, “Yay! Mababayaran ko na mga utang ko!”
I laughed, “Yan ang silbi ng pera! Pero save some, ok? Good to have savings.”
He asked, “What do you want beh?”
I laughed, “Nothing.”
All I really want is for him to write his stories
and for the world to know how good he is.
At
So, to the Banzai Cat: this one’s for you. And yes, I apparently still can’t write about you. Oh well, six years of trying and here’s to more years of trying.
And to the people who congratulated him, especially Twiggy who called the moment he woke up to excitedly congratulate the Banzai Cat: Mabalos po!
So: Write for money? Write for awards?
Write as affirmation because you love writing.
Write because you want to tell a different story.
Then one day you will get that award and you will also get the money.
And that’s what Banzai Cat’s “Logovore “is: a very original story about the journey of a man who eats words. And the wordeater happens to be a College English teacher in this country. Mabuhay ang mga guro!
Ask Banzai Cat if you want a copy. I am willing to post it here for everyone to read but it is not mine to give away.
And that story took three years to ripen (from the Alpha text, as Saladin put it) and be finally written as it is which doesn’t mean that he stopped writing other things and other stories.
I remember when he was writing “Logovore” and I was reading through some parts. I had pointed one phrase to him: …a cacophony of sounds and images...
I had told him, “That’s a cliché. Clichés become clichés because we keep on using them to express what we mean because that’s how they’ve always been expressed. Ergo, you’re expressing the same thing. So what’s different about this and you? No matter how different the concept is, you’re still using language. Use language to express things uniquely, your way. Now, how will you change this?”
He changed it to “…a vomit of sounds and images…”
And I said, “There you go, different levels of meaning right there. That’s something I haven’t read.”
So:
Exterminate the clichés.
Write on, Wordstars!
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