The happy horrordays are over...
Nina Simone sings it’s a new dawn, a new day, a new life...
Ursula 1000’s Kabooming of Hello Baby... had made me think of Kristi and so I wrote “Dear Kristi...” and signed it “Regards, your jap av trippy winka”.
A Dalao Tzu replied instead.
Dalao Tzu said, “Hahaha...Ms...you sync with this tea (or boiled tap water) am sipping. Great to hear you started the new count right...”
I had laughed, “Master Dalao Tzu it is...” and offered my specialty: boiled water soufflé.
Dalao Tzu said, “Don’t get fooled by the name--- Dr Marj translated it ‘to big old bum’...”
I laughed and winked, “Got you there, didn’t she?”
And we talked more voodoo retro.
And the Middle Chipmunk said, “Bye bye asylum and hello to the jungle.”
And para matawa ako, si Selena at si Twiggy (na tumatawang mag-isa at parang buwang sa airport nun Xmas habang binabasa yun sinulat ko at kelangan pa talagang tumakbong papuntang banyo para tumawang buwang), and sige na nga you na rin:
In the jungle, there is that “wrong send phenomenon”.
Every now and then I send a text message to the wrong person i.e. the message is not supposed to be sent to you. This happens because I’m drunk or hung over and:
- Your name in my inbox is before or after the person I’m supposed to send a reply; or
- I’ve created a message for someone else but I’m thinking of you so I select your name in hypnosis from phonebook/contacts and voila: instant wrong send; or
- There is more than one Joe or Jay or Al or Tom or Dick or Harry in my phonebook and your name (if it’s popular) is first on the list; or
- I’m just plain stupid, sometimes.
- Or I’m tripping.
Once, tripping on a trip, I sent a message to my Monkey best friend, “Beh, pa-kiss naman oh.”
He replied, “Wrong send, my friend.” I was expecting him to actually reply or call to say “Anong pa-kiss??! Huy!”
I replied, “Bat ka sumagot? Ikaw ba si Beh?”
My Beh was right beside me, driving, and he and I were laughing. I sent another message to the Monkey, “Just kidding best friend. Trip lang. Hehehe.”
He replied, “Hahaha. Akala ko galit ka na naman! Hahahaha.”
But that’s just me.
In the jungle, wrong send messages are sent.
Generally when you send supposed “wrong send” messages, you want the person to know your status quo:
Where you are [ e.g. just in this bar (or name of place)]
With whom [e.g. with my date/friends (or name of person)]
What you are doing [e.g. getting drunk/flirting (or action)]
How you are [e.g. and I miss him/her/it (or emotion/thought/chorva]
What your plans are [e.g. going to whatever( ergo follow or join or mamatay sa inggit)]
Indirectly, of course.
In tagalog, “kuno”.
And “kuno”, “wrong send”.
Take note: most of these “wrong send” messages are too detailed, like kulang na lang sabihin mo na and bango mo, ang ganda/pogi mo, naka-pokpok shoes ka or naka-thong ka. Or “I love you” or “I want you (here/back/now!)”.
What’s the basis of this perception?
It’s called first/second/third hand experience.
In Science, we call this “psychology”.
And any wrong-send-message-kuno really ends with “say mo?”
In the jungle, how do you respond to a wrong send message kuno?
If you’re an ex (friend/partner/now mortal enemy): ignore. If you reply with “wrong send” or an outburst, the wrong-send-party interprets it as “Hah! S/h/it still cares! Yeah! Success!”
Nabisto ka na, nakupal ka pa, and yun load mo nasayang pa.
If you’re a friend, to reply with “wrong send” or a quip is okay.
Mayaman ka sa load or naka-linya ka ano?
If you’re a friend for a long time and/or an asshole, you don’t reply at all.
Buys ka, sayang ang load and time, and kakatamad magtext, di ba?
If you’re the person’s partner/parent(s)/sibling(s), to reply with “Yari ka” variation is perfectly acceptable.
Kaasar.
Magtrabaho, mag-aral o mabuhay na lang kaya siya
na walang ka-ek-ekan na issues, noh?
If you were I: don’t reply, not even a “wrong send” or hirit, or asar, or shout. You ignore nga eh. Mas maaasar yun nag “wrong send kuno”. And then you go for the aorta somewhere in the neck (according to Angelina-pamatay-ang-labi-Jolie) when you see the person.
There’s this function called “sent items” and the sender will realize the wrong-send-mistake-kuno in time.
Or leave it to the receiver-kuno to send a message like “Uy! Bat di ka nagreply?!” kuno.
In the jungle, if I were you:
Don’t text, just call.
Lalo na pag di ka sigurado kung anong magiging interpretation ng tao sa message mo. Mayroon diyan nag “How are you?” ka lang, iniisip in love ka na sa kagandahan niya (sa ibang planeta). Or sa ibang kultura, iisipin niya ang “want to meet for...” ay buntisan na. Naku.
Now if you keep on calling and your calls are not answered by my voice, your calls have been diverted to my boyfriend (to which you hang up). Kasi, malamang di naman ako biglang boses lalake no? And alangan naman siya ang kausapin mo eh ako nga tinatawagan mo.
By the way, feel free to talk to him. Madaldal yun.
Be thankful it’s not my dad answering, especially to excited friends who don’t wait for a “hello” and just say “Hoy puta ka! Asan ka na ba? Ha?!”
If I don’t call you back, that means I’m really busy (living/writing/fucking my brains out with all) or you’re not my priority because you don’t have an emergency.
Alam mo, ambulansiya kasi ako.
Wang. Wang. Weng Weng. Weng Wang. I am so tipsy. Hek hek hek.
Tama na baka kung ano pang mablog ko at sumabog pa ang mundo.
Uy, five star. Magpapaputok ako! Yay!
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