Gnomie says, “Neng, we know that you are one of the most restrained people in the world. You’re exclusive. You’re secretive. But with your boys, you let your guard down and you let them in. That’s what makes them different from the rest. They see and know that. You can be malambing and loving all you want, giving them all they need, you can even be malandi because it’s safe. You trust that they will never cross that line. That’s you but of course they will begin to feel all these feelings and they do all these things and then they cross your lines.”
I answered, “Why wasn’t I just born a goddamn boy to begin with? I’m re-evaluating everything again and the option seems to be ‘restrained with all males’ or ‘do away with them for a while’ then they would all freak out if they notice that I’m isolating some. Goddamn boxes. ”
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