On October 1 2007, Marjorie Evasco’s “Eavesdropping On Silences” was published in Philippine Daily Inquirer. There is a line there: The Spanish say that to make something beautiful out of the terrible is to put the finger into the wound. Poner el dedo en la llaga.
Last night, I put fingers into his wound--- to heal, to hurt, to break his silence.
I haven’t seen him in 56 days.
So I asked him how he was, his sleep.
He gave me a look that said, “Shitty as it should be and you know why.”
“It’s been 60 days. Maybe another 30 would do it.”
He bit out, “I wasn’t aware that I was on a time limit.”
I said, “You should be on one. Or you’d be forever like this.”
He’s been writhing in agony.
“In the past 60 days, she ranted thrice, just thrice, wondering if this has changed you and your life the way it had hers, if you were suffering. I told her that you were writhing in agony. Would you like to talk to her?”
“If she wants to.”
I shrugged. Not until she doesn’t feel anything anymore. She’s more herself without you anyway.
He left that night angry, maybe at me too.
Don’t ask to see me if you want to forget.
It is agonizing to watch agony.
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