after Big Sky Checking
a Send-Off to
I laugh
Joey asks, “What? What? Bad essay?”
Not acid and I laugh more, “It’s consonants on crack. Like Russian.”
The phrase stuck (and a face popped)
I invite to a “consonants on crack” party:
½ replies, “Hahahaha. That would be crazy/funny.”
Another says, “I don’t get what it means.”
I wink, “That’s the whole point. What do you think it means.”
Another replies, “Pucha. Kaw talaga.”
I say, “Crack it!”
Then we say goodbye to Cindy.
“Consonants on Crack” won’t let me sleep.
After
I laugh, “The text says it’s CNF. Sasabihin ni Joel Toledo na CNF na…wasak on crack!”
Joey laughs, “If you’re asking if this is a poem or CNF: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it’s a quack-quack. Or Bugs Bunny.”
I laugh and Joey says, “I have an alphabet story…”
I laugh more, “That’s why”
Consonants on Crack
kryzzll
makes me laugh
my mind in mirth
I dream and remember when I wake up
though I do not to remember them I do not have time
to remember time in different hours and different days and I wonder
if I would make them
all real I have begun to anyway
the other night I realized that I no longer watch the sunset that 6:00 p.m. passes
without my noticing without my saying vows to ghosts Time has made me
forget To forget--- I giggle
over kissing one dream and then two laughing on gin
I almost understand that I can be contractions of
a ménage a trois: to kiss then lick one dream then two—
“I’m sorry” and “I love you” straddling
consonants on
crack
on
25 I give them a real dream that is a dream--- to only two
be cause one will turn
without me Does it even pain me? No,
no more Time has made 25 gray to me Severed, 25 and I fade
from each other Everything is contingent, nothing
is essential: consonants on crack I
no longer watch the sunset
after a 1 I have nothing more in my cancer---
beyond touch, beyond feeling Something in me
has become dry and I am cool in mirth Cold,
I can no longer feel---
beyond, beyond once more I was wrong----
I am not kinder I have become more cruel without guilt almost
without care in mirth The cancer has been
returned and I have taken it back I
will not be owned by sunsets again
in one dream
I was told that I said on stage, “Don’t hate me ‘cause
I’m delicious” I crackalaughawhack the audience
had become cannibals, all groaning a bite for
consonants on crack: Russian and rhythm
of consonants on crack refusing to
be consonants on crack we all fall through
less haunted every day I no longer
find cancer as sad Ghosts slowly become nothing not even
a memory just a dream we all become
strangers I will
never bow to sunsets
down into cracks
to die, killed: We think
We’ve missed the point in one sunrise
In mirth
over Russian burps
I have not: consonants on crack
vowels and ply rhythm
only consonants on crack will understand
nlycnsnntsncrckwllndrstnd
what consonants really mean
in mirth a blue drinking glass given
broken by cats on crack
kryzzll
when the sun has set
do you
d y ?
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