Raw, gnawed nerves screamed at me, disturbing.
I kept my silence, wanting to scream back for two hours, after to smile in calm, “Why were you screaming at me, Ma’am?”
No need to scream
In this
Allowed once but not once more
No matter who or where
“I wanted to give in and scream back,” I say to her while we drink, “Two hours to get it controlled and I’m pissed because I got it controlled. Fucking ingrained work ethics.”
I shake my head at restraint, onto dancing---
I ask, “Saved by the ring?”
She laughs, “Hell no, they swarm closer because they see that married!”
I laugh, “Then what the fuck would save me then?”
Then---
He tells him, “…She was at it again, just this Tuesday, the curves…”
He laughs, remembering, “Those curves!”
The two tell her about the curves in
She laughs and slaps my arm.
He asks, “Yun Mercedes ba yun?”
He laughs, “Hindi, yun Crosswind. Pero nadrive niya na rin yun Mercedes na nakainom.”
I remember, Going to the Fort.
Rjay was with us.
We met up with Budoy in that bar after work.
Budoy…
Lock.
I ask him, “Were you ever worried whenever I would drive your car tipsy?”
He assures, “No, my friend.”
I smile and hug him.
I take a bite once more of my pesto tuna.
They smile and she laughs, “Yay! Kumakain na!” and asks, “When was the last time you danced?”
I answer, “Your wedding. It’s you so I dance.”
She laughs, “Di ka ba makasayaw na?” then to them, “Kasi andiyan kayo.”
He laughs, “Uy, hindi ah!”
Censored.
Censured.
I remember, how a hand had become a manacle on my wrist
as I moved to sit on the right lap,
pulling me away, “No.”
You have no right.
I feel like I cannot move when you’re there.
I can’t even dance.
“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
I nod my head in agreement, no more, laughed, but still marked.
Unmark me.
“Not yet.”
You will.
You have to.
I will have to unmark you, too.
Don’t.
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