Through The Cracks

Your voice quotes Abandon, “I wish I could go back in time, find the one moment in the one day in all these years when there was a chance to slip through a crack that opened into another life.”

WISH:

   IF:

      LIFE

         FELL

            INTO

               A CRACK

I asked, “Do you know exactly when you were altered?”

She didn’t know.

After five years, I finally said, “It was that night that you were happy

then those men stopped your car,

pointed their guns at you,

took your car,

wanting to take you, too…”

She had held on that night to a helpless body, crying Please and No.

She was not taken.

But they took what separates what is real in the world:

Life was before that night, after that night.

And that night: There is nothing you can do.

WISH:

   IF:

      FEBRUARY

         FELL

            INTO

               A CRACK

The body is----

a tonsil inflamed:

collapsing kidneys

infecting lungs

----attacking the heart.

Finally failing:

There is nothing you can do.

WISH:

   IF:

      MARCH

         FELL

            INTO

               A CRACK

Then she would not have died.

And he would have not died.

Nine lives would have not died.

But they died.

And “happy” in “birthday” meant: There is nothing you can do.

WISH:

   IF:

      APRIL

         FELL

            INTO

               A CRACK

Then this young man I am talking to would have loved her---then---

the way she should have been loved.

But he didn’t, even if she loved him, and her heart broke:

There is nothing you can do.

WE FALL INTO THIS CRACK:

         WISH:

            On this day, I had…

               IF:

               On this day, I had not…

I ask, “Have you pinpointed that crack?”

You answer, “No, I have not.”

WISH:

   IF:

      MAY

         FELL

            INTO

               A CRACK:

I told you that the man you loved had betrayed you.

Not in fiction, but in truth--- to be kinder.

WISH:

   IF:

      I had been that

      I had not been that

      CRACK

WISH, IF I did not know what were those cracks--- in all these moments in all these days in all these years--- that would have opened into another life.

Time is unraveled in multiverse.

All unreal.

And it’s been ten years since LIFE

         FELL

            INTO

               CRACKS:

WISH

IF

There is nothing you can do.

I

   Look at these two blue pills:

WISH

   Take one

IT WILL DESTROY

IF

   Another one

IT WILL DESTROY

   (What is the point? Checked.)

   When Today is Life, Here, Now WISH

                                                                     IF

                                                                     FALL

                                                                     THROUGH

                                                                     A

                                                                     CRACK:

                                                                     Abandon

TOMORROW