A man she meets now and then, in pages, in numbers, in inverted hours where his days mean she's asleep. He says he's been trying to reach her but he couldn't. She says the same. Time is never the same for them and they find themselves talking to each other about changes that are the same without seeing or hearing the other.
Well--- she says now
---That has been our lives: You are there and here and I am here and there--- she gives him news, laughter, though in the end she simply says that she needs him and that she misses him.
Hell--- she says now
---Yesterday she fell from the stairs leading into a ballroom. She tried to stop the falling, twisting ankles and back, the boy beside her scraping his nails and fingers raw while holding on to the banister, trying to stop their falling, bruising her right upper arm, stopping.
Well--- she says now
---She almost fainted from the pain, laughing, sitting on the stairs, laughing a question to those around, "Did you see the show?" She did not care. That's just how she is: she does not care about opinions of strangers. She does care about making the almost disastrous a matter of amusement. "Shelve the embarrassment," she would always say, "Laugh it all off."
Well--- she says now
--- To the boy, "What is your purpose in life?" And he answers, "To save as many as I can."
Well---she says now
--- Thanking the boy, seeing and feeling that yesterday he had saved her.
Hell--- she says now
--- I do not want to be saved.
Well---she says now
--- To this man she meets now and then, "I feel safe with that boy because he's a virgin. Not many of those around." It is something to be understood, that she only allows herself to exhale with virginal boys who would not see her as a sexual being.
Hell--- she says now
---I remember today the first time I really allowed a man inside me. It was overwhelming and I had pulled away shaking and almost crying, afraid that he would take the body that did not understand what it was feeling.
Well---she says now
---He had soothed her and shrugged it off; Hugged her, helped her dress, and walked her to her car after. He had said, "It would have been perfect if we were in love." She had laughed and kept him as her friend.
Hell--- she says now
---In love...Being heartless would have never allowed that.
Well---she says now
---He, though too sexed to be a virgin, made her feel safe. And he too wanted to save as many as he can.
Well---she says now
--- To the man she meets now and then, "You wanted to save me, too. Though the world took precedence."
Well--- she says now
--- Out of 13 today, only 10 were given jobs. One is a nurse who didn't want to be a nurse and has been tasked to care for her elderly parents. One is looking for a change and perhaps love after her marriage fell apart; She lost her son in that failure, she says. And the last one is a stern young woman who is afraid of the world; hides her fear of being rejected in her stiff voice... And she would never rest until the other three were given theirs and saved from their personal hells.
Well--- she says now
--- To the man she meets now and then, "The last time you were in Pakistan. I don't know anymore where you went and whom you saved after."
She says now to the man she meets in pages, in numbers, in inverted hours, belated time, that it seems her heart is generous to those who want to save as many as they can. Respecting the time they spend on others, on the world, rather than her even when she needs them. And the distance between them she shortens when they do have time for her, the time she remembers as she holds them in her heart. Well, she says to the man she meets now and then.
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