30

9.

29 finally thought of an answer to the 30-year-old-question asked for the past 10 years. At 9 Happy Monday morning, 30 called 8:30 Sunday evening Washington and it was answered, “Did I miss your birthday?”

30 laughed, “Yep.”

37 in Washington said, “Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ve been thinking about the 15 since last week but I got caught up with work!”

30 laughed, “That’s all right but dude, you have to slow down some time and have fun. Now for good news: I now know what gift I want from you!”

The question answered, “Finally! So, what do you want for your birthday?”

30 answered, “I want a trip with you---” to give time for you to have fun and we can have all the time to catch up this time “---because you always have to meet people when you’re here and I always have to meet people when I’m here. Remember the last time? You had to meet someone in Eastwood after our dinner and I had to go check out a gig in Katipunan.” And we didn’t even get to a drink a bottle of red.

37 (or is it 38 now?) said what 30 when it was 29 thought it would say, “Can’t do anything about the people but done!” Just like that and it still made 30 blink. And if 30 did ask for whatever---like that BMW bike--- it suspects the answer would still be the same. “I thought you wanted me to buy you something from here.”

30 laughed, “From there? Like what? Shoes? No, no, I want the trip!” There or here but 30 laughingly said that its blood was too tropical or Third-World for the cold or snow but there was this paradise it wanted to visit (which the French survived via outwit, outlast, outplay) though it was rumored to be visited by the (not so) Nice People Army.

37 (or maybe 38 now) answered, “How do they feel about people working for the World Bank?”

International Corporate Lawyers for the World Bank? 30 quipped, “They think you people are not nice.”

Possibly-38 drawled, “I thought as much, let’s go some paradise else.”

30 laughed, “You’re the one paying for the trip so you choose. We can always go to Palawan or go back to Boracay if you want. Ever been to Dumaguete? C’mon, let’s find you that wife! And I have beautiful girl-friends you can date!”

Definitely-nearing-40 groaned, “Good because I seem to be turning into a Jesuit.” To which 30 said, “Ay, we can’t have that, man. Sayang ng genes mo. And namimiss na kitang marinig magtagalog. May twang ka na!” 30 was surprised when it got the reply, “I want to come home.”

Then almost-Jesuit-40 exclaimed, “You’re 30 now?! Good God!”

30 laughed and happily squealed about this number’s homecoming in maybe January 2009, a 10-year-friendship that asks silly life questions. Like when 30 was maybe-22 that asked, “If I asked you to marry me, would you?” And it was answered by probably-30-then vacationing somewhere in Europe, “Are you asking?” To which 22 laughed, “I’ll think about it.” And this now nearing-40 laughingly had replied then, ever the Gentleman with, “Ask me when you’re sure.” This friendship lives dreams and supports each other’s dreams and dreams still about what to do with infinity.

10.

The last days before 30: 29 talked to 23, listened, and laughed Life: Holy Fucking Shit and now it begins to be beautiful for you. 29 wished that it could have said to 23 that to be beautiful has three B’s: DO NOT Balk, Bow, Beg and all these B’s say Boldness, Boldness, Boldness. Instead, 29 said something about defeat being deathless laughing dangerous courage. 29--- as silent sister and mother to 23--- will always have zero for those who do not know how to love you. 29 shrugs, never apologizes for how it fiercely loves and dreams for its brothers (even if it angers or puzzles them).

Then 29 sat, ate, talked and translated Cordero’s Heart yet again while 22 and two 25s wrote about their numbers. 29 said to them, “Don’t worry, I’ll be doing the same thing.” 22 wrote that it is really 1--- being the discarded one because three upsets the balance--- the villain, and it isn’t so bad. One 25 thought of itself as Mike Perez and this once it was Gerardo Gaa who’s been dead for 25 years. And that on the usual dates the living come to visit this 25 with memories of being alive and this once was one of those dates. The other 25 thought that if you add its numbers it sums to Heaven which is God’s number. In between it is equal to the Devil’s number. All are empty concepts, like words, because all lack the acts. And if numbers happen to be all, then God is the Devil. 25ish confusing, 25 said. This, on the last days before 30, which is 29 and 29 gave them January 2009 as one of life’s deadlines. You taught us well, Teach, the numbers said.

11.

The last days before 30: 29 sat, ate, and quietly talked to 20 who wants to be its friend. 29 and 20 talked about the distance between two numbers and how the higher number can never be reached by the lower number but the Distance between the two can be shortened by and through Time and that takes Work. And for any relationship to work, that has to have Love which makes Time to shorten that Distance together. 20 said it wanted to do everything and could do everything but which to do first and best? 20 thinks conform is the same as compromise and 29 smiled, “Is it?” 20 blinked, smiled, “Shit,” then told 29 that a certain Mr. Perez hasn’t been around lately. Well, well, 29 thought, does Patrick want a snappy text message for a wake-up stick from Miss?

Before then, a 19 said that it would enjoy the last week and couple of days as the I-TEEN in 19 *rawrs* before it becomes 20 *RAWRS* on a 19. 19 made 29 laugh when it said, “I’m really loving reading now…But I seem to be losing friends! Weird! Hahahaha! *rawr*” 19 and 20 had told 29 that they are steadily becoming 1 which meant You’re growing up and asked Miss 29 what it all meant. To which 29 remained silent, which meant Go figure. 19 at 20 and 20 at 21 figures, unlike other numbers that use the word love in sentences as often as shit and fuck and that whine I don’t want to grow older! This on the last days before 30.

12.

The last days before 30: 29 gave the remaining three of its Siamese-Filipino+French-Filipino=Slavic-looking children because of evil neighbors in 12a/12b--- Maria Gustav and her children Junior Kirat and Runty Munster--- to 57. 57 gave them to higher numbers: its mother and its yaya who used to make sandwiches for 29 when it was 23. Another of Maria Gustav’s children---Curious Ewok Peecheewawa--- was given to happy shit, you never fail to surprise me 27 as a birthday gift and is now named Misu. (Because 29 remembers how 27 loved and was even accused by one professor with Are you drugs?! when 27 was a failing 20-21 paralyzed by weeping grief for its child Marco.) 29 kept one, in secret, which is named Trois: a copy of its aunt Junoir which is a copy of their father Noir. 29 shuddered to 57, “I will never understand animal ethics when it comes to procreation,” and 57 laughed. 29 calls Trois Thirdy and Trois introduces itself as “*Meow*I am Trois and this is Spartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

57 gave 29 black Havaianas, man pants from El Corte Ingles in Madrid, and keys as gifts. 29 asked about the keys, “What are these?” 57 shrugged, “Oh nothing much for your 30th, just keys to this place. This is your house.” 29 sputtered about receiving a house as a nothing-much-gift and shook its head, “Who would have thought that I would live to 30?” Then 57 said, “You know, your heart’s silence sometimes just means silence. You are a dream to some and they work for that dream to come true. Now, create that space for unconditional love, girl. Nobody can really do an analysis of love.” 29 laughed, “Really now? Well, you’re looking at it, old man. I know what, why, when, where and how I’ve come to love who, even you. People like us, we know love’s language and live the language and we hope to make it ineffable. But give me time. I’m unlearning expectations from love to make it unconditional.”

Another gift from 57 (together with Darling 45), another harana: the Black Hole is finally sung. 29 at 30 was almost wordless, “I feel…so loved… Thank you.”

Then 29 sat, ate, talked and turned quiet with and as 57 (with torn calf muscle and just acupunctured by timeless Dr. Ong) and 33 talked which is equal to 90. And if it is divided among three, it gets 30. This, before the last days of 30, which was 29 in Starbucks drinking Café Mocha at 100 short with 90. After which 57 said to 29, “You and 33 should really have a kid.” And so 29 danced the Pandango in Katipunan Avenue while singing Santa Clara…Pinong-pino…Ang pangako ko ay ganito…Pagdating ko po sa Obando…Ay magsasasyaw ng Pandango…Aruray…Araruray…Ang pangako’y tutuparin…

13.

The last days before 30: 29 wakes up from a dream of distance dreaming of distance and 29 knows it still loves certain numbers. At 30, will it still love these numbers? Distance says Always, perhaps, Never again. Their Dream says later, in time, believing that Time can easily be returned to what was and it is what could be, which is not in the now unlike 33 and all the other numbers now --- like 60, 36, 33, 31, 28, 27, 26, 4, 2, .8 in addition to what will be 61 when 29 becomes 30--- that count to infinity.

14.

The last days before 30: A 1 wrote, My muse… and 29 giggles blushes to 33, “I’ve always wanted to be a muse when I was young, you know, for maybe a basketball team or something, but I sure wasn’t pretty enough to be a muse. He just made one of my dreams come true again and this is way better than a basketball team muse!” Then another 1 wrote, Good morning. Spec fic sampler out. No… 29 thinks Tsk, that’s one less funny-hsyterical-that-adds-texture-to-the-lot out there and I hope there are no negative reactions to all those cunts and fucks in that story being out there but laughs, “Never mind…Yay! Bravo to you!” 29 is happy that one of 26’s dreams has come true. 1 replies, Ty. You too. Then another 1 says, “Mia Culpa!” and brings more good news about numbers ---dreaming coming true, one by one, all for the love and future of the Word. This 1 says, …pero salamat sa inyo ni …Dirty Thirty!

29 then remembers it is its blood-twin’s birthday and its life-twin’s birthday and 29 feels that just saying Happy Birthday to them isn’t enough. 29 looks at its blood-twin’s picture (who 29 last heard was enjoying being a bachelor in Costa Rica) and wears the fuchsia harem top its life-twin in Michigan gave it when 29 turned 26 or 27. 29’s life-twin had said at that time, “When I saw it, I thought it was perfect for you!” Prudish 26 or 27 then had laughed, “But…But…I’m too old for this!” Its life-twin had scoffed, “Oh shut up, Mi! If I had your body I will show it off!” 29 has yet to dance hip-hop or the jitterbug with its twins. 29 silently asks their absence if saying I Love You will be enough.

29 is then named a Queen and it is a curtsy-cracker for 30 by the Byronic 19 who loves 29 as its mother (who is actually just 10 years younger than 19’s biological mother). Byronic 19 who is not interested in cunts nor cocks remembered that 19 is young and should have doggerel fun (and when it grows up it wants to be a Pussycat Doll) because at a 31 before Time becomes another 1 it will be 20.

29 spends the last hours before 30 and its first minutes as 30 in the Land of Sea and Sky with the Byronic 19 and Lord 35 cracking loving laughter (especially when Lord 35 showed then-29 a picture of its fiercely beautiful and young face shaved off beard for once last year). Lord 35 gifts 30 on its first minutes with two poems: “Outward” that begins with Chance and ends with Inside and “Inward” that begins In silence and ends with Play.

And in the 30’s first evening, Lord 35 takes 30, 33 and 19 to Sugarlandia to thrum to drums, marvel at arabesques and splits hanging in the air and twirling without falling, and partake of a buffet of Pintados. After which Lord 35 says, Remember that I hold you in my heart: I love you and you will always be safe with me…And he’s a good man and I truly appreciate having him as my friend. 29 smiles, My friend, thank you for your soul that knows what friendship means to me.

Just hours before, 29 talks to an unseen Lion for the past two years about wanting to see this Lion that just turned 33 (who will leave for and begin to live and dreams to die in Vienna). The last time the Lion was seen, it said, “He’s really the one for you.” And the Lion says now, “I’ll find time. Just tell me when.” 29 smiles, I loved you because you always find time, and answers, “Thursday” I’m 30 then. The Lion said when it turned 33 that loving 29 when it was 25, a long time ago, that terrible beauty, was all worth it. Thursday will be the beginning of peace in this 9-year-creatures-of-conversation-friendship.

All these are gifts for 30--- like the Smart-Pad which page 38 helped 33 select or the Moleskine journal with its cover painted abstract by 35 for free as its gift, the cover now an original Pancho Villanueva--- from the beloved 33 and all the other numbers in unmarital fidelity.

That’s what 33 has always said from the beginning, when 33 was 23 and 30 was 19, “Someday Maus, this will be all yours---” and for the past 10 years it has been pointing to and offering the world.

15.

On its first minutes, 30 says to its life-twin in Michigan (who is 28-29), “Well, now, I’ve always wanted to celebrate our birthdays together. Your birthday there, mine here. Time, what a beauty!” Its life-twin says, “You’re right! I was actually thinking of the same thing. The stars are aligned for us at this moment. So even if you’re painfully far away, at least our (lucky) stars are having a blast up there. Happiest of birthdays, Mi. Miss you tons. Love you tons-er.”

On its first minutes, 30 is greeted by its beloved sister, “Happy birthday maus. I feel lucky that you were given to me as a sister. You make me a richer human being. I love you. You’re extraordinary so your life is meant to live up to that. I’m glad you’re counting another year. Egg will always be here for you.”

And 30 almost cries in all this love--- happiness is so great that it s almost impossibly high and love---love---is always what would want you to be better--- but laughs and jumps and sings as Joan Jett and the Blackhearts blasted from the past through this Alanis Morisette/Janis Joplin voice, I love rock n’ roll so put another dime in the jukebox baby…and dance with me! Then the same voice blasted Guns N’ Roses and 30 is partying like the 90’s Provincial Poster Child that it is to Wooooo-oh-oh sweet child of mine! 30 laughs to Red Whore then drops to dead sleep at 5 am.

Just before noon, 30 is welcomed by 34 (who is a good daughter to its prostate father) with, “Welcome to your thirties! I hope your waistline will always be less than your age. I love you and I will see you soon…” 30 laughs as it measures its waistline: 25.5 going on 26, maybe that’s more than just my waistline’s number.

And 30 is happy about being away from its usual drunken nativity revelry in the jungle for this quiet turning in the Land of Sea and Sky where it woke up from being a somnambulist before it turned 29 and so began to break glass boxes of silence.

30 hugs and kisses 33, Life is happiest with you, remembering 15 every month and 17 every year for the past 10 years and to eternity.

On the last days before 30: 29 has read on a page 38 of Chiaroscuro “There are no happy endings” and You think fantasy began once upon a time, and ended happily ever after. And 29 laughs happily, a fantasy real ever after…Happy to end 29’s time and begin once upon a 10-year-old-Beloved-ring at 30.