BREAKFAST WHILE WORKING
I say, “Talk to me in Spanish for an hour please.”
Groans laughter.
I say, “No, really, I’m losing my ear for it since my French is coming back. How come your first language is Spanish anyway?”
“Spanish for us, Tagalog to the help. Learned English in school.”
I say, “Que estas hablando?”
Talks in English.
I say, “No, como se dice en Español…?”
Talks in Spanish.
Into music.
Silence.
RESUME
RECONSTRUCTION
I ask, “You’re done with work?”
“Yup, most of it while you were still asleep.”
I ask, “Meetings today?”
“Nope. Nothing that can’t be done over the phone.”
I say, “Read this.”
“…Some prototype.”
I say, “He said as much. Criteria for evaluation for any horror story. It’s in my notes from 2003 but I don’t I remember the book.”
“What is really horror--”
I laugh, “--Life as creative-nonfiction. He said I didn’t have to write fiction anymore.”
“You never did. Anyone playing?”
I shake my head, “No playground.”
“Thought as much. Now, you want to talk about L?”
I retreat, “Not ready.”
RESUME
“…lay down the bass for this one…”
RECONSTRUCTION
DISPLACE CLEANING LADY LINEMEN BLOOD REPLACEMENT
I say, “Ah… shit. Her dad needs more blood. Can you ask people about blood donation? It’s for blood replacement. Please tell them DETAILS”
“I’ll take care of that.”
I mumble, “Thanks.”
RESUME
Ric arrives, sees me, “Hey! You’re back!”
I look up from work and smile, “Hello, my porn star. I missed that beautiful Ashton Kutchner face! I swear I want to pimp you. Or put make-up on you.”
Ric laughs, “Where did you go anyway?”
I smile, “Home and home.”
Ric laughs again, “Heard it?”
I smile again, “Yeah! Thank you! How are your girls?”
Ric snorts, “What girls?”
I laugh, “Smart boy. Concentrate on studies and music first.”
“He is, isn’t he?”
I nod, ask, “I thought you had a lunch date? Was it with that girl who claimed you were her boyfriend when you were in Embassy?”
Ric laughs, “Yeah but I’m not going to that school where my brain cells would die just for lunch.”
I laugh, “Oh-ho, snooty!”
Ric scoffs, “What? It’s true.”
I shake my head, “You kids and your hasty generalizations. When are you leaving for Switzerland?’
Ric smiles, “Next year. All right, put me to work.”
BASS
RECONSTRUCTION
LUNCH
TALKING
“…If you think I was bad in the beginning, she’s worse… ”
Ric laughs, “So you’re the BI? If no one’s going to put it there, I will.”
I laugh, “Me? I’m a saint compared to him. He has decades of badness over me…When are you taking me dancing?”
Ric laughs, “…I’m not taking you to Emba. Wait, I have something to show you from Youtube.”
BELLA FLECK AND THE FLECKSTONES, WUTAN.
“Where is that percussion sound coming from?”
Ric answers, “Wutan.”
I laugh as we hear the Keltic jigs FROM MEMORY: NOVEMBER 2003 DRIVE TO PAGBILAO, “Exit mga elves, enter mga orcs in tutu.”
AND WHY “HAWAK KAMAY” BY YENG CONSTANTINO IS SUCH A HIT?
BACK MESSAGE: We laugh.
“Who is Yeng Constantino anyway?”
Ric and I laugh.
I answer, “Pinoy Dream Academy winner…”
Ric answers, “That other show of Pinoy Big Brother…”
Shake of the head, “Television. Big Brother for us is 1984 and Pinoy Big Brother is Marcos, the real Macoy. ”
I laugh.
RESUME
SOUND
I ask, “What is that?”
Ric answers, “I was working on this the other morning. They were asleep already. It was originally a lullaby for my niece but…”
I ask, “What time?”
Ric answers, “Around 4 or 5 am.”
I say, “It’s triggering something…”
RECONSTRUCTION
Ric says, “…Here’s a new color: fucksya.”
I laugh, “…Can’t spell or pronounce fuchsia, so fucksya na lang. Now what the fuck kind of color is fucksya? A more problematic color than purple or ambivalent than periwinkle?”
They laugh.
“You know, you can always tell motherfuckers MADAPAKA SANA MADAPAHKAH.”
We laugh.
They work on it as I watch the sunset:
THERE ARE FOUR FUCKSYA SPACESHIPS IN THE SKY: BLUE-VIOLET-ORANGE-VANILLA-SKY-CLOUDS FOLLOWING EACH OTHER, PERHAPS TO HOME. A LONG WAY. PERHAPS THAT TOWER, BLINKING RED.
Ric quietly laughs, “Musicians: when playing and not on drugs, you make a song of a drug… Did we put her to sleep?”
I mumble, “No, I’m thinking---”
SUNSET LULLABY FOR THE SUNRISE
LAYERING OF THAT IFUGAO(?) SONG FOR CHILDREN (?)…
MEMORY: 1989 CHUA’AY… CHUA’AY… TALUM ALAY…TAKU’AY…O’E…O’E…
LIKE GHOST CHILDREN MOCKING IN PLAY…
CREATION…
PROTOYPE FOR
I say, “---Ah! It’s the sound of mitosis!”
Ric asks, “What’s mitosis again?”
I explain, “…if you really think about, it’s a quietly violent and horrifying process.”
They say, “Come to think of it…” and play.
I remind, “I have a meeting around 7 in Eastwood.”
“Trouble?”
I shrug, “…says needs my wisdom.”
DETAIL
“Oh shit. That’s going to get your boy killed.”
I sigh, “Yeah, we’re all special children with special wisdom teeth. Speaking of which, I think I have to start wearing retainers again.”
Laughter, “She looked so cute when she was wearing it. She didn’t want to smile.”
MEMORY: 2002 “MIYAMI, ARE YOU WEARING BRACES?!” “RETAINERSH. I KNOW. SHEE? I SHAY YOUR NAME: KATSH. DA FUCK.” “BWAHAHAHAHA!”
I say, “Ugh, so not cute. I’ll come back after. Leave my stuff here first?”
“Yeah, heavy. Your back. Don’t forget your sweater.”
I say, “Okay. C’mon, porn star, I’ll drop you off.”
“Drive safely.”
DRIVING
TALKING CARS
DROP OFF
Ric asks, “You sure you won’t get lost?”
I laugh, “Don’t nag a nag.”
PARKING
MEMORY: 5:30 AM OCTOBER 22 2008 PARALLEL PARKING LESSON AGAIN WITH DAD. (ONLY YOU AND HOWARD ROARK CAN DO IT IN 1. I SUCK.)
MEETING
I say, “Man, I forget every time how tall you are. You look good.”
Answer: Hug. I do? You drove?
I laugh, “Yeah. You’re smothering me. I feel goddamn small.”
Answer: What do you want to eat? By the way, there’s a Sepultura concert this Saturday.
I laugh, “No shit? Who’s going to pull you out of the mosh-pit?”
Answer: Him, but then again he’s reviewing.
I say, “Leave him alone. He has to pass. I don’t know who’s more fucked up between you two but I’m really beginning to think he is.”
ANALYSIS
Answer: Want to go?
I laugh and shake my head, “Wolfgang na lang.”
DINNER
REPORTING TIME
Answer: …been off it since the 15th.
I say, “A gift for me? You’ve been heavy on the booze then.”
Answer: Yeah. Blacking out, too.
I say, “Shit. Still Red Horse?”
Answer: Yeah. Blackout stories.
I say, “…Probably the only beer for you guys because of how big you all are. Ease up on the booze. Change to lighter drinks or to the daddy booze. Invest all that money on anything else besides booze.”
Answer: Like what?
I say, “That’s something for you to think about.”
Answer: Yeah… Want me to pay for your graduate studies?
I laugh, “No thanks. Why don’t you splurge on a vacation or something?”
Answer: I will. Where’s my story?
I say, “Where’s my painting?”
Answer: Shit. Let’s go buy materials now.
I say, “Dude, stores are closed already. Thought you were going to buy last time?”
Answer: Explains where the money went.
I say, “Seriously, go back to painting. If somebody asks you for money, tell the parasite that you have to check with me first.”
ANALYSIS
I ask, “Job?”
Answer: So-so boring.
I say, “What did you expect. That’s why paint in between. Have you been reading?”
Answer: Some…
ANALYSIS
I say, “Read in between.”
Answer: Returning to Math.
I smile, “Hey! That’s good!”
ANALYSIS
I ask, “School?”
Answer: What school.
I ask, “How the hell are you getting away with that?”
Answer: CENSORED INFORMATION
I ask, “Family?”
(Mother calls at the very moment. Answer: …with me.)
I ask, “Want me to talk to her?”
Answer: Shake of the head.
RESUME
RECONSTRUCTION
I ask, “What did she say?”
Answer: I told her that I’m taking you out for your birthday…
FAMILY TALK
I say, “…Sorry I kept on cancelling. You know, I’m trying to write this thing about unico hijo de puta. A tribute to mothers.”
Answer: Laughs.
I say, “Shape up, man. They’re getting older. When are you going to tell them about all the lies?”
Answer: When discovered.
ANALYSIS
I shake my head, “This is why my parents are so special. We’re lucky because they started adjusting to us and changing their attitudes when they began to see how much they fucked up and fucked us up. It just had to take my going crazy.”
Answer: Laughs.
MEMORY: SUMMER 1999. OXYGEN TUBE INTO THE NOSE, OXYGEN TANK BESIDE THE BED, LIGHT UP A CIGARETTE.
I laugh, ask, “What is it this time?”
Answer: Girl. Feels…
I ask, “Ever been in love?”
Answer: No.
I ask, “Not even with your ex-girlfriends?”
Answer: Laughs they weren’t really ex-girlfriends stories.
I say, “You’re an emotional retard. I don’t know if should be thankful that you are. It scares me when you finally do fall in love. Man, that will hit you hard.”
I ask, “In love with this one?”
Answer: No.
I ask, “How would you know then that you’re not?”
ANALYSIS
I say, “You’re not. So what’s the problem?”
Answer: Invested. Exasperating. Feel stupid.
I laugh, “…You actually watched her volleyball game?! What are you, in high school?!”
Answer: Exactly. Kids bullshit. Laughs out more details.
I ask, “She’s your friend?”
Answer: Kinda but (lists complications).
I say, “She’s not your friend. She’s using you and use in the worst sense. Wants to get out of her mess and you’re her knight in stupid horny armor.”
Answer: (Other complications)
I say, “Again, what did you expect. But next time that fucker threatens you, tell me.”
Answer: Laughs whatever happened to wusa.
I shrug, “Still running but I’m not playing nice with that kind of crap.”
Answer: I can take care of myself. (Lists more complications, altering DETAIL)
I laugh, “Man, you’re so fucking special! Leave her alone then. Geez, there are other girls.”
Answer: But (lists other things) and I didn’t even get to…
I ask, “That’s bugging you?”
Answer: Yeah. She wants to anyway.
I ask, “What are you really asking?”
Answer: How you’d play it.
I say, “I see. Fuck her then leave her.”
Answer: Whoa.
I shrug, “You asked.”
Answer: How?
I CENSORED INFORMATION.
Answer: That’s cold.
I shrug, “For a fuck. But if you’re really asking me, leave it alone. I thought messing with DETAIL is going to get you killed. But messing with ALTERED DETAIL is really going to get you killed. So not worth it.”
Answer: Got it. What the hell is that on your finger?
I say, “A ring. What the hell are you checking my hands for?”
Answer: An engagement ring.
I smile, “This one’s better.”
Answer: There’s something different about you. You have this Bohemian vibe.
I laugh, “Bohemian huh? I call it being 30.”
Answer: Where is he?
I say, “Still working. Many deadlines. You want me to invite him here?”
Answer: Yeah. Invite him. Please. I’d like to talk to him.
I smile, “Really? Okay, I’ll ask him if he wants to come when he’s done. I want you to come home for Christmas. It was damn lonely without you last year.”
Answer: Okay. Uh, how do I file for leave? I can? Wait, how again? Can I drink now?
I sigh, give him his answers, hug, “Love you. Don’t ever kill yourself, okay? No matter how bad it gets.”
DISPLACE
RESUME
RECONSTRUCTION
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