MEMORY: OCTOBER 2008 …WOUND
TRIGGERS
ATE GUY-VITCH-MODE: Blood! Blood! Blood! My brother is not a pig! Ding! Ang palo-palo! Winner sa paglalaba restback eto: kuskos…piga…wasak.
DISPLACE
TRIGGERS
ALLERGRRRRRY IN THE ALLEY: Ay, nga naman mga you kiddos na feeling 4-holy-henyo na mga gawa niyo, haller, you are in the hollowed ground, not even in the playground: I might deconstruct your Ima-emo-sensitive to death and WELCOME TO THE SKY PLAYGROUND.
DISPLACE
TRIGGERS
MISS LIWAYWAY GAWGAW TAPIA MEAN: Bring on the same spoiled invectives, kids. Eto sa inyo, grade niyo: O or 1 because you pissed the teacher off and the teacher can pull it off in technicalities. Some also call this Academic Freedom and WELCOME TO THE TEACHING PERKS OF THE SKY ACADEME.
DISPLACE
TRIGGERS
MISS-MEDIAN-YOU-CANNOT-SCREW-ME-OVER-TACTICS:
1. I make you cry even if you’re a guy while you learn something.
2. I make your term an academic purgatory and you learn a lot.
MEMORY: 2007LIMBO DOES NOT EXIST!
3. Well, after making you cry in academic purgatory, I fail you:
WELCOME TO HE-HE-HELL
4. I take you for a ride and you learn how Life Can Really Screw You Over.
5. Fuck it: Why the hell will I teach and waste my Time on screwmags?
MEMORY: OCTOBER 2007 TEACHING SEMINAR. CIRILIO BAUTISTA, “TEACHING IS THE MOST UNGRATEFUL PROFESSION IN THE WORLD! SO TEACH BECAUSE YOU LOVE TEACHING!”
And Ma paid for the mentioned seminar with Master Splinter so that I lovingly return yours Helen to allergy alley---------------------------------------------------------------WAITING
DISPLACE
I reply, “Hey! I’m good…deconstructing the whole meaning of quad scripsi, scripsi…Sure, the day’s blank…I’ll drive you to school after…”
SKY
DISPLACE
RESUME
RECOSNTRUCTION
SKY-LOCK SLIPPING
CHOKING
I call Egg about family business:
“…What is it?”
I rant.
“…What is it?”
I answer, “May-November exhaustion is catching up with me…”
“…What is it?”
UNLOCK
I sob, “…killed himself. I haven’t told anyone else in the family but you…”
DISPLACE
I exhale, “Thanks…It’s okay…Anyway, I have to go.”
DISPLACE
Call: I have another surprise for you.
I sniffle, “What?”
Call: Who.
I ask, “Who?”
Call: WHO IS A GHOST WHO WANTS TO SEE YOU
I say, “No shit? He’s back from the dead? Yeah-hey!”
Call: Come over?
I say, “Definitely!”
MOVING
TEXT MESSAGE FROM LETTER A: Call
I call, “Yo…Drinking?”
Answer: …Later… Last night tonight…
I say, “…Last night tonight…”
Answer: Yeah… CHATTER WORK AIRPLANE MALFUNCTION
DISPLACE
SKY
DISPLACE
GHOST
DISPLACE
REUNION
DISPLACE
TIME
“Beh, I’m going to get you a drink, okay?”
I say, “Yeah…Let’s see if that works…I fucking hate this…Thanks.”
TEXT MESSAGE FROM JOEL TOLEDO:…What time are you coming…
I reply, “…still…”
IN THE SKY
DISPLACE THE WORLD
A LONG-NECK
“Darling…Serious drinking?”
I say, looking at the bottle, “Yeah, I’m doing a wake…”
“…Irish Wake it is.”
DRINKING
LIFE
“Darling, cheer up… An Irish Wake is supposed to be happy!”
NOT IRISH
GIGGLING
MEMORY: NOVEMBER 2008 WATCHING BLACK&WHITE DOCUMENTARY FROM DR. JOSE OF EARLY 20TH CENTURY PHILIPPINE HISTORY MADE BY THE AMERICANS. I ASK BROTHER, “FROM DR. TURTLE? HE WAS MY PROF IN ASIAN HISTORY. HE WAS ALSO ATE’S PHILIPPINE HISTORY PROF.” BROTHER CHOKES, “YOU CALL HIM DR. TURTLE??”LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
DISPLACE
MEMORY: 2002 (WHOA. WHY IS THE CLASS SO QUIET? MIDTERMS ALREADY? SHET! DON’T HAVE A BLUE BOOK! RUN! GET BLUE BOOK! RUN BACK!) (BEFORE CAN SIT DOWN) “MS. T?” “YES SIR?” (CONCERNED) “HAVE YOU STUDIED?” “I DID SIR BUT NOT FOR AN EXAM…I PROMISE TO PASS IT.” (LAUGHS) “TAKE THE EXAM TOMORROW.” “REALLY?! I CAN? THANKS!” (FINGERS OVER LIPS) “SSHHH. I EXPECT YOU TO GET A 1.” (IN CHINESE AND INDIAN HISTORY?! MOTHERFULP---CHRISTEN THEE DR. TURTLE!)“YES SIR.”LL
DISPLACE
MEMORY: NOVEMBER 2008. I SAY TO BROTHER,“I LIKE TURTLES. MISNOMER THAT THEY’RE SLOW---”LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
DISPLACE
MEMORY: 2002 “DUDE, YOU DIDN’T EVEN GO TO YOUR OTHER CLASSES? WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING? YOU’VE BEEN AT IT SINCE LUNCH!” “A 1 IN CHINESE AND INDIAN THEOCRACY…” UPANISHAD… JAINISM…BUDDHISM=BREAK THE WHEEL OF LIFE IN 4-DESIRE=8-FOLD-PATH LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
DISPLACE
MEMORY: NOVEMBER 2008. AMERICAN NARRATOR: THIS IS A MESTIZO. A MESTIZO IS A HALF-FILIPINO AND HALF SOMETHING ELSE. BROTHER IS LAUGHING. I’M SHRIEKING, “HALF SOMETHING ELSE?! ANO?!KALABAW?ASO? KABAYO? KAYA NGA NAMAN ANG EXOTIC NATIN OH SA MGA ITO!” LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
DISPLACELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
MEMORYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
SKYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
TEXT MESSAGE FROM LETTER A: Drinking?
I blink, “Yeah. You?”
REPLY FROM LETTER A: This Grand Matador. Nice…
I blink, “Ugh. Brain, liver, pancreas, stomach…”
CHEERSLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
FLYLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
GIBBERISHLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
I blink, “I’m--- sloshed.”
HOW BRITISH
SPIRALLING
FRENZY
FLY
END IT
JOIN THE HANGING L
YOU WANT TO
FALL
MEMORY: MAY 1999. RUNNING FEET. “SHE FELL!” “THAT DAMN MEDICATION…” “NO, SHE DIDN’T.” “BABY, BABY, WAKE UP.”
DISPLACE
HOLD, “Okay Beh, here we go…Step…Step…Step…”
MEMORY: SUMMER 2000 “HEY, LET’S TALK.” “SURE. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU’VE BEEN GONE FOR A WHILE.” “SHE LEFT ME. GRIEVING. I HAD TO GET IT ALL OUT.” “AH.” “SEE, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THAT. GRIEVE, YOU ANGRY CHIILD, GRIEVE. KUNG KAILANGAN KANG MAGLUPASAY, SIGE. JUST GET IT OUT. DON’T KEEP IT IN. DON’T TAKE IT WITH YOU.” “CAN’T. TRIGGERS SPIKES IN THE FLATLINE THEN I GO OFF.” “ALL PART OF LIVING.” “MY BLOWING UP THE WORLD LIKE LAST YEAR? SO, TELL ME HOW YOU GRIEVED…”
HEAVING
SOBBING
VOMITING
RELEASE
I cry, “I’m fine…Just…Let me grieve…Let me grieve…Let me grieve…”
SKY
SINK
THURSDAY
SINKING
I wince in pain, “Ah, shit.”
Brother asks, “What’s wrong? You’re sick? Want to go to the hospital?”
I answer, “Fever. Fatigue. No.”
Brother says, “Let me see…Yeah…Stay home. I’ll stay in today and take care of you. I’ll take care of the other things, too. Don’t worry, just rest…I’ll prepare soup for you…Want a paracetamol?”
I say the usual when it comes to pills, “No. It will pass.”
TEXT MESSAGE TO MARTIN: Rain check? So sorry, not feeling well.
REPLY FROM MARTIN: Sure, no problem.
REPLY TO MARTIN: Thank you. I hope to see you soon.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM TWIGGY: …the Byronic Woman is out!
TEXT MESSAGE TO MARTIN, SASHA, PANCHO: Twiggy’s finally out in Free Press…
REPLYING TO TWIGGY---ABORT
COPING CONSTRUCT COLLAPSE
My eyes closed, leaking tears----------------------------------------------WAITING PROGRAM FOR RECOVERY DISPLACED: DR. STRONZO: YOU’VE COME; LAST ENTRY NOVEMBER 12 2007: THE PORCUPINE’S BLOODY PARTY. RETRIEVING DATA: …SO, WHAT’S THE TRIGGER DR. STRONZO…AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS DR. STRONZO? IT’S CALLED “GRIEVING”. LET’S FUCKING BLOW UP THE UNIVERSE. NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL A PARTY----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------DISPLACED I say, “Hello, Dr. Stronzo.”
TRIGGER?
L
DECONSTRUCT :
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